The Perfect Someday

by nikkiroberti

Someday, I’ll wake up bright and early, cuddle up with my Bible and a warm cup of tea before hitting the elliptical, only to feel completely invigorated with the morning. I’ll grab my homemade juice the Hubs and I made the night before, grab our packed lunches and head to work.

Someday, I’ll have a house with a dishwasher so I don’t want to strangle myself with dish rags or the desire to increase my carbon footprint by only eating on paper plates. In that house, I would paint the walls so many different, inviting colors and fill the walls with family pictures so people knew happy people lived there. I’d even have cloth napkins only to decrease our carbon footprint and help the earth.

Someday, I’ll have a garden where I can grow everything I’d ever need. Whether it’s for juicing or my own homemade tomato sauce and fresh salads– everything would be delicious. SO delicious in fact, that I’d have a booth at the farmer’s market where I could sell my tomato sauce to unsuspecting Southerners who will be in awe of how awesome Italians make REAL sauce.

Someday, I’ll raise my own chickens and goats so I don’t have to worry about the hormones and GMO crap in our food.

Someday, I’ll have time to work out as much as I want to, the time to have awesome hobbies like crocheting and sewing, and the time to have at least one dinner party every month, a game night every week, and definitely weekly date nights.

Someday, I’ll have all my books published, I’ll have time to write that expose on toddler tastebud training for a parenting magazine, I’ll launch a new website, and have time to write plays for competitions again.

Someday, I’ll make everything from scratch like I’ve always wanted. Bread, jam, tortillas, pasta– and it would taste amazing.

Someday, I’ll spend so much time volunteering and making the world a better place that I’ll just be overflowing with joy. Whether it’s teaching youngins’ to sew or cook, making food for the homeless or housebound, or volunteering time with children— it’d be awesome.

Someday, I’ll have time to pamper myself. I’d have a face mask, do my nails, soak in a bath and just breathe.

And you know what, someday, I’ll actually just breathe.

But more importantly, someday I’ll realize I’m not superwoman and that even though I have all these ambitions, I’m not a failure if I don’t accomplish everything I set out to do. I have my whole life to do all of this and I can’t expect myself to accomplish everything NOW. Half the battle is having goals and dreams. And I’ve got those in spades.

So today, not someday, I’ll just be happy, I’ll take a breath, and remember that living in the moment is more important than wistfully dreaming about that someday. After all, I don’t want to be that person whose someday is filled with wishing for those days long gone that she’ll never get back.

Introducing Anchored to Love

by nikkiroberti

A friend of mine in the blogosphere is doing the month of May challenge where you blog about a specific topic each day. Well this past weekend, she blogged about me and featured Mrs. Healthy Ever After on her blog, Anchored to Love.

So, I figured I’d return the favor.

Anchored to Love is an awesome blog I’ve been following because it’s an awesome newlywed blog of a different angle. The author, Gentel, has INCREDIBLE style and is also a newlywed like me. I love following along her adventures in fashion and and home decor (they just bought their first home and it looks AWESOME!), plus she has great newlywed stories that I can totally relate to. It’s definitely a good read.

Gentel and I actually met online around two years ago when we were planning our weddings. We had joined up at a 2012 July Brides Facebook group that had formed off of one of the The Knot forums, and it’s still a group of girls I keep in contact with today. Gotta love the online community!

Anywho, be a dear and totally check out Anchored to Love and leave Gentel a comment. Let her  know I sent you!

Opening Your Eyes To Results

by nikkiroberti

When on a health and weight loss journey, it can be easy to be blind to our own results because they happen so gradually. That, of course can then breed discouragement even if you don’t deserve it.

That’s why sometimes you just have to force yourself to see it.

Like this… I noticed this difference today when I came home from work.

Here’s my ID card with a photo taken last August:

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Here’s me bumming around in my PJs with a messy up-do this very second:

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I don’t know about you, but I think something’s missing. Like JOWELS.

When I showed my ID badge to the Hubster, he grabbed my face and said, “Wow. So those 20 lbs came from your face?”

He does know how to say the sweetest things, that husband of mine.

But nope, it’s not just in my face. In fact, just this week I was able to enjoy a new tangible result.

At the beginning of the year, I had to buy some bridesmaid dresses and I bought a special dress for myself. I usually don’t splurge on a dress, but I had been in love with a certain work dress for months already. So naturally when it went on sale at like 50% off straight from the designer, I had to get it. I originally joked I’d only buy the dress once I got a book tour or something crazy awesome (you know, to justify the cost), but when it went on sale— I couldn’t bear to never see it again.

So I bought it in my size only to be DEVASTATED when the zipper would go up past the lower part of my shoulder blades. Seriously devastated. I didn’t even buy it to be a goal dress and yet, here it was…not fitting.

Then the bridesmaid dress for my brother’s wedding came in and that too didn’t fit.

But that was months ago. A few weeks ago I tried on the bridesmaid dress again and was THRILLED to see it fit PERFECTLY.  So, I thought my dream dress would fit as well.

To my complete joy, it zipped up the back. To my disappointment, I looked like a stuffed sausage. The dress still didn’t fit right.

Well, until yesterday, that is. Yesterday was the first day I felt confident enough to wear that dress around and boy…what a day it was. People I didn’t even know kept coming up to me complimenting me on my dress. Sure, it’s a great business dress on its own, but the fact that it took me months to fit in it…well that just made the day a whole lot more special.

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I was so excited to wear this dress. Sure, I have a ways to go. But right now, I choose to be proud of myself and the progress I’ve made no matter how fast or slow it may be– no matter what numbers may or may not appear on the scale.

I’m making changes in my life that are making me happier and healthier. And that’s all that matters.

Juice Cleanse on Dr. Oz!

by nikkiroberti

Wouldn’t you know that the same juice cleanse I JUST did was featured on Dr. Oz yesterday? Go figure. Of course it was featuring Joe Cross of Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead– who is awesome and a great inspiration.

Definitely check out the show to find out more about what I did and other people who have done it too (and many for much longer). You can watch all four parts on the link below:

Dr. Oz talks 3 day juice cleanse with Joe Cross

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Day 3: My Husband Cheated On Me

by nikkiroberti

Don’t worry. It’s not what you think.

But the way he looked at that chicken breast wrapped in bacon and stuffed with cheese, you would have thought he was having an affair with another woman.

And of course, he ate the whole thing in front of me, occasionally waving bits of meat and bacon in my face to lovingly offer me a bite.

Gee, thanks, Honey. You’re so kind.  

If you’re just tuning in, my husband and I started a juice cleanse on Monday, and Wednesday was our third day– the minimum amount of days I wanted to go for. Addison decided the special on today’s menu in the cafeteria was too good to pass up, so he ended his cleanse after breakfast on the third day.

And like a dummy, I ate (well, drank my juice) with him and another good friend of mine. The past two days on the cleanse, I just kind of avoided being around food which made it easier. After all, the juices do fill you up sufficiently.

You would think since originally the juice cleanse was HIS idea and I was the one who dragged my feet on finally starting it, he would have been more into it. But oh well. All good things must come to an end. When I IMed him at work to tell him the name of this blog post, he laughed and told me to make sure the disclaimer was high up (originally I was going to describe his chicken breast like a woman to really throw people off, but apparently that’s not cool. Understandable).

Oh, and then he ends his IM with, “Sounds great! G2G though. Going away party for someone at work. We’re having chicken enchiladas and tacos.”

WHO EATS CHICKEN ENCHILADAS AT 3:30 in the AFTERNOON?????

Then we get home, and he hands me coupons for pizza and burgers, which he then takes back to CLIP them out and hang them up on our bulletin board.

At one point I had to say, “Honey…I understand some of these coupons. Ruby Tuesdays…sure. That’s a date night. But HARDEE’S? When do you think we’ll EVER eat at Hardee’s?”

He didn’t  have an answer.

Men. Whatever.

But goodness…. yesterday was hard. It wasn’t just the temptation yesterday, which started with our boss bringing in a big box of tasty pastries coupled with a couple comments like, “Everyone get your pastries! You’ve already had one? Have another! No need to go hungry.”

But it wasn’t the psychological aspect that was hard. By the end of the day, I just really wasn’t feeling well physically. I had heard that the first three days of the detox would be rough. But so far, it had been AWESOME. Not the third day. Nope. I basically laid on my couch for the rest of the evening, drinking my juice and being…well…detoxed.

And if you don’t understand what that means, you probably shouldn’t go on a juice detox.

That being said, now I feel great. But we decided to end the juice fast for money reasons and for the fact that I’ve been itching to exercise. The truth is, when you’re doing a fast like this, you really can’t exercise to the extent you normally would. You don’t have enough energy and your body is too busy flushing out the toxins. It would honestly overdo it. Sure, you’re recommended to do light/low-impact exercise like walking or swimming. But other than that? Nope.

I probably would have continued juicing today if I had more time. With not feeling well, I didn’t get to juice last night and we overslept this morning. But now I’m enjoying the aftermath, which I’ll get into more with a later blog.

But unlike my husband who may or may not be chowing down on a pizza buffet with a buddy this afternoon, I’m going to try to wean myself onto solid foods again slowly– starting with veggies. I’ll let you know how it goes!

Oh and by the way, BEET JUICE IS AWESOME. Recipe of all the juices the past couple of day are coming soon!

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Day 2 of Juice Fast: My Tongue is Green

by nikkiroberti

I’m not even kidding. Isn’t it lovely?

 

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I apologize for that. I just had to share. Day two of the juice fast went so well yesterday, and I’m feel really great. AND we totally made the MOST DELICIOUS juice we’ve ever had. It seriously tasted like pie!!!!…maybe why the Reboot website calls it “Pear Pie Delight.” But it was so delicious, it’ll have to be a blog on its own. Seriously, amazing. But just as a hint of what’s in there (besides the obvious pears), I’ll just tell you the surprising ingredient: sweet potatoes.

But yeah, don’t be too grossed out by the green tongue. And actually, if you’re on the fence about starting a juicing detox like this, don’t be freaked out! You actually don’t only drink green juices. In fact, you drink the entire rainbow.

There are green, orange, red and purple juices to choose from. It even gives recommendations on what time of day is best for these drinks and of course, you’re supposed to drink more green than the others. So far, we haven’t gotten a chance to try red yet but we’re trying it today (technically Day 3). Pear Pie Delight is a purple one and definitely had a better color than the prior day’s Watermelon Blueberry Kale juice. Behold below, PIE in a glass. Being healthy never tasted so good.

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I’m not going to lie, Day 3 has been a lot harder, but you’ll have to wait to read about that until tomorrow!

Surviving First Day of Juice Detox

by nikkiroberti

This weekend, I decided to do a solo juice fast.

It didn’t work. In fact, I only juiced a little. But hey, baby steps right?

That’s why I didn’t announce it to the world that the Hubs and I are starting a juice cleanse. I wanted to wait until we officially survived the first day (you know, in case we failed terribly). But yesterday was indeed that day and we did, in fact, survive.

And I feel GREAT. Addison was actually so full, he didn’t want to drink the last juice of the day.

Yes, that’s right. FULL. On juice. It’s ridiculous.

But oh no…that doesn’t mean there’s not temptation afoot. In fact, I think it’s more of the feeling of eating that’s weighing him down. Just look at what the little booger posted on my wall.

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And yes, that is unfortunately how we talk to each other on Facebook.

So naturally, I bought us packs of gum and told him to chew on that if it’s really the chewing that’s the problem. Oddly enough, it satisfied the psychological hardships for us.

But yeah, we feel great. It’s like drinking turbo coffee in the morning without the jitters. It was just really difficult at night when you’re used to winding down to a delicious meal, or some popcorn with a movie or some ice cream….

Yeah, I’m torturing myself. I realized I’m a glutton for punishment when I thought it would be a great idea to go on Pinterest for like an hour last night. For the record, DO NOT DO THAT if you’re on a juice fast. You’ll go coo-coo.

We’re following the Reboot My Life plan which is associated with the Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead documentary I love so much.

We started our day with a delicious Carrot, Apple, Lemon Juice. It was so delicious and refreshing! (recipe to come later)

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Then we had a lunch at work which was our favorite, Green Lemonade. 

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And then we tried something completely new…a “purple juice” (which honestly looked  more black than purple). Watermelon, Blueberry, Kale Juice.

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This one was definitely different than the other juices we’ve tried before. We both agreed we’d put more blueberries in it next time (recipe to come later!).

Everything has been really delicious and surprisingly filling. We were going to have a Mean Green Juice for dinner, but saved it for breakfast instead when we weren’t really hungry.

We’re not doing this to lose weight or to crash diet. We just wanted to cleanse ourselves and get a fresh start. I’ve done lots of research on this and figured why not give it a shot? We’re only committing to three days, though I’d be up for going longer. The main thing that deters me from going longer than three days is honestly the cost.

According to the documentary, it costs like $14 a day to do a juice fast for one person. Sure, that’s not terrible. But when your food budget is way less than that, it’s harder to swing it. So, we’ll see how it goes. The important thing though is to make sure we incorporate fresh food in our diet the right way afterwards. I’m already planning some veggie rich meals to wean us back onto solids. Don’t worry! I’ll definitely share the recipes when the time comes!

Has anyone else ever done this? Have you ever considered juicing?

A Healthy Hobby in Hiking

by nikkiroberti

When I left Florida for the Blue Ridge Mountains at 18 to attend Appalachian State University,  I was determined to find a hobby in hiking. In fact, I had convinced myself that hiking was already my hobby…so much so that I put it on my Facebook profile which also claimed that I preferred tea to coffee and soy hot cocoas with raspberry (You know… because that’s so important).

Little did I know, hiking is more than just enjoying the great outdoors. And when my first real hike happened, I wasn’t prepared for it.

A senior guy had asked me on a hike, and as a lowly freshman who wasn’t used to the dating scene– I WAS SO EXCITED and just as nervous. So I brought a friend along with me because for some reason, being alone in the wilderness with a guy I didn’t know all too well seemed like stranger danger.

Note to self: don’t bring athletic friends with you on an athletic date when you, yourself, are not an athletic person.

It turned into more of their date than mine. They were so fast at their trek through Linville Falls that I kept pretending to fall, just to catch my breath.

But no worries. That guy wasn’t the one anyway. I nipped that one in the bud once I realized he hated mushrooms– an unforgivable sin in the Italian world and an obvious sign we would never work out.

Then there was that other time freshman year where my roommate and I hiked with a military guy and his friend…well more like boulder hopped. It was fun, but there was that moment where he held out his arms and said “Just jump!” and I somehow hit the side of my head on a boulder. I don’t really remember many details after that.

So hiking became more of a Facebook lie and wish list hobby than an actual hobby hobby. Apart from the occasional short hike to Beacon Heights (which is highly recommended), I haven’t hiked much since that year.

However, when asked, I still tell people I love hiking. I know. There’s something wrong with me. I even told Addison I looked forward to our married life in Boone because every Saturday we’d wake up to pancakes and hiking.

Yeah, that’s never happened.

I did go hiking with my former college roommate and her boyfriend when she came to visit me a couple months ago. But he’s an ultra runner who usually runs UP the mountain, so I eventually let him continue on his way while I found a nice view to contemplate life with my friend and talk about when the heck he would propose to her (which they’re now engaged, yay!)

But now my dearest friend DeDee moved away and before she did, we needed to do something fun to savor the last few moments together. The Hubs had already suggested going hiking at Grandfather Mountain because it’s Dollar Days for NC locals. (Usually it costs like $18 to just get into Grandfather!)

So for Dedee’s last weekend in Boone,  the husband, DeDee, and I went on an epic hike on Grandfather Mountain.

And boy was it epic.

You see, Grandfather Mountain has a famous “Mile High Bridge” which is just WIRE. Suspended. Over rock.

That beast is intimidating enough without 55 mph winds trying to knock you off the unstable bridge where people kept freaking out and bumping into each other because halfway through they’d panic and realize we were all going to die.

And yes, I was one of those panic-stricken people. It was TERRIBLE. Sure, there was a sign that said, “DO NOT CROSS DURING HIGH WINDS,” but I guess high winds to my crew was 56 mph and not 55. I was convinced DeDee’s tiny self was going to be swept up in a rogue gust, never to be seen again. And then I realize, nah. DeDee is a fiesty one. She’d hang on to that railing for dear life (or die taking the rest of us with her). If anyone’s going to blow over the bridge, it would be my clumsy, uncoordinated self.

Fortunately that did not happen. I warned DeDee that if I had died, she’d be expected to marry Addison so he can function as a human being (I love my husband, but there was that one time I left him for a three-day girl’s weekend and when I came home, I found out he only ate a turkey sandwich…one turkey sandwich over the course of THREE DAYS). DeDee declined the duty, but said she’d spend her life sending him google calendar reminders for daily things.

Fair enough. I always knew I could depend on her.

We made it to the other side of the bridge, only to realize it wasn't that awesome on the other side and were terrified to cross the death bridge again...

We made it to the other side of the bridge, only to realize it wasn’t that awesome on the other side and were terrified to cross the death bridge again…

So then we go up to where the Profile Trail starts (you know, where all those glorious warning signs are informing you that it’s a very rigorous trail).

However, when we get to the beginning we were informed that we needed take our car to the lower level parking lot because we were young. But never fear! There’s a half-mile trail that will lead us back up to where the REAL trail starts.

Oh joy monkeys and applesauce. Aren’t we lucky to be young.

So we moved our car to the bottom parking lot, and hiked all the way up. When we finally started the Profile Trail, the wind had gotten really bad so we had to don even heavier coats than before. It was a LOT of fun, albeit, exhausting and terrifying when the wind kept trying to sweep me to a rocky death off the side of the mountain.

At one point, I found a park bench. And died.

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And at another point, I decided to wait for the two adventurers to go up to a really terrifying part of the trail. Basically, the only way to climb up the mountain was with LADDERS….by the way, the wind was still 55 mph. Yeah, no thank you. But Addison was able to snap this awesome pic of DeDee who is FEARLESS.

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We really did have a blast. And according to My Fitness Pal, our epic hiking adventure burned well over 700 calories just for about 2 hours of hiking.

Plus, the views were so worth it.

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Plus the Hubs looks super cute when he’s in the wilderness. Just saying.

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So yeah. The take away from this blog is 1) I’m still pretending to be a pro hiker after all this time and 2) I really miss DeDee.

Next Time You’re Mistaken as Pregnant

by nikkiroberti

First, I just wanted to say ‘Thank you’ for all the love and support I got from everyone regarding my last blog, “Baby Here Yet.” (if you haven’t read it yet, basically its the epic tale of one woman’s mental breakdown over an email asking if she has HAD a baby when she’s NEVER been pregnant).

I received so many phone calls and emails and comments on Facebook either sharing your own personal traumas in this area or just letting me know that you nearly peed your pants reading it (and that’s a quote from a voicemail today)! The support was much appreciated and I’m glad there are some people out there who get my weird sense of humor.

But I have some news for you (and NO, before you even freaking go there, I am STILL not pregnant). After all these conversations with both men and women, I came up with a strategy  on how to deal with the mistaken pregnancy question better next time.

And by better, I mean a step up from looking like this:

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Or…

 

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So get ready. After sifting through some pretty mean comebacks, I came up with the ONE thing you can say that make the situation better. Sure, it may make you a slightly terrible human being. But hey, it’s a step up from sitting in your closet wondering if your wardrobe has resembled maternity clothes for the past 5 years.

Here it goes…so someone just asked you, “When are you due?/Can I feel it kick?/Did you have your baby yet?”

 

Your Response: Yes, I did! Sign me up for the meal train please.

I mean… if you have to suffer through the pain of the mistaken pregnancy, you might as well get something out of it. Free meals brought to your door? Yes please! And when people ask, just say they baby is sleeping.  Sure, you may have to carry around a sack of potatoes around at church for awhile or at the very least, a squirming adorable puppy wrapped in a swaddling blanket that covers its face. But hey, won’t it be worth it for the free lasagna? Nothing nurses wounds like this quite like a free meal– especially if it’s lasagna. Then again, taking advantage of nice people may also be evil… but you can stuff back your moral conscience between bites of Italian awesomeness.

Or you can just do what I did, say they’re mistaken and then listen to a weather analogy that you’re pretty sure is referring to your womb.

Then again, why don’t we all just vow to stop asking people if they’re pregnant? After all, if someone’s pregnant, they’re going to tell you eventually. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut until they let you know or there is a baby magically appearing in their arms  everywhere they go after the disappearance of a huge basketball-sized lump.

Then again, I guess you could still get unlucky with that comment in the above scenario. What if your friend is just babysitting after being super successful with Jenny Craig?

Lose-lose situation people. But at least in my case, unless you’re willing to buy me a dishwasher, the baby question is off the table.

 

 

“Baby Here Yet”

by nikkiroberti

That’s the title of the email I received in my inbox today during my lunch break. No question mark. Just the statement. So of course, I clicked to read it.

Someone in our office recently had a baby and I had just asked another girl when the meal train was going to start up because I LOVE baking Italian ziti for people who recently had a baby or some kind of injury. So, I figured the email may pertain to that. OR maybe this new addition somehow stopped by the office for an early introduction.

Something. Anything other than what it actually was.

Instead, it was a lady from our church saying that one of the pastors (not the main one) had asked her to check up on us to see if our “bundle of joy” had arrived yet.

My initial reaction:

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So I promptly wrote the nice lady back saying she MUST be mistaken or mixed us up with someone else. Obviously there’s some other Nikki at our church. Or some other Mrs. Miller. Or some other Nikki Miller. Or maybe there is a female Addison Miller who is pregnant and they got really really confused.

After hitting send, I immediately ranted and raved to my husband about how this is a prime example of why he should have taken MY last name. There isn’t a single Roberti living  close to Boone…or the South (with the exception of my brother).

Then of course I got all girly and started to panic….what if there wasn’t a mix up. What if my church just thought I was fat.

But seriously…it’s one thing to ask when you’re due and another thing to assume you HAD a baby. I mean, yeah I know I’ve got some extra on my belly, but it was not by any means in the shape of a BASKETBALL. You know…that physical quality pregnant women seem to have (that’s quite beautiful on them, of course…because there is a BABY actually inside).

However…me…no baby…none…whatsoever. And my womb is not currently up for lease yet either.

Then Addison joked that maybe because I’ve lost close to 20 lbs, they just assumed the weight that was lost was really a baby.

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If you didn’t get the idea…that’s me above.

So I go back to my cubicle and shared this horrifying experience with every single person I crossed paths with, especially my fellow newlywed coworker who I knew would understand, because I was so in shock, I figured maybe if I said it enough times SOMEONE would fess up to it being some kind of prank.

Nope. It really happened. And it only got worse.

The lady wrote me back.

Now, don’t get me wrong. She is a very nice lady. And of course, it was this pastor dude who put her up to it apparently. Here is what it said:

I apologize, Nikki.  I will make a note of your email.

Enjoy the sunshine today.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring, or the next hour for that matter.  After all, we are in Boone.

God bless…

Let’s just analyze the crap out of this really quick and read between the lines maybe a little too much.

1) There’s no admitting to a mix up. Merely an apology and a “let’s make a note of this.” This leads me to believe THERE IS NO OTHER PERSON who is supposedly waiting for a bundle of joy. I mean, even if there wasn’t, I would have loved to be white lied to in that moment. Like “oh, you’re so right, Nikki! I meant the other Nikki….Miller…ish”

2) The small talk about the weather. My boss insists its just about the weather. But he’s a man. I read this shpeel about “who knows what tomorrow will bring, or the next hour..” and immediately assume she’s talking about my womb. I DO NOT WANT TO GET PREGNANT WITHIN THE NEXT HOUR. Seriously, people. I’m at work!

3) And the ellipses after the “God Bless…” ellipses…are never…good… They imply doom or trailed thoughts or things that are left unsaid.

And in this case, what’s left unsaid is…someone at church thought I was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT.

How does this happen? Well, I came up with some theories.

1) I slouched so much during church one day that my pudge looked extra round and maybe I rubbed my belly in a way that was more like “Man on man I’m starving. Let’s get to the car asap so I can get me some LUNCH” but was interpreted as “Oh Golly gee, I’m so excited about this life force inside of me.”

2) I wear dresses everyday. Most bell out or are flowy…maybe they thought I wear…maternity dresses? D.E.V.A.S.T.A.T.I.O.N.

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3) Or, maybe it’s because our attendance to church lately has been sparse because we’ve been out of town. Naturally, when people don’t go to church, it’s because they’ve given birth to new life.

Maybe our attendance will be sparse from now on because someone at our church THOUGHT I WAS NINE MONTHS PREGNANT.

What’s extra bothersome about this whole ordeal is that this is not an isolated incident. A good friend called me from my HOME STATE (as in…I don’t live in that state anymore) asking if I was pregnant because she heard from her mom who heard from my parents’ neighbor that I was.

Now people are saying it’s a sign from God or the universe or something that I am or going to be pregnant soon.

Um…if you don’t remember…I’m waiting on something very important to happen before that ever becomes an option. It’s called a dishwasher. 

But no. Instead, I’m going to have to hand wash my dishes and contemplate my wardrobe while rinsing them with my newlywed tears.

Please for the love of all things good in the world, tell me this has happened to you.