Next Time You’re Mistaken as Pregnant

First, I just wanted to say ‘Thank you’ for all the love and support I got from everyone regarding my last blog, “Baby Here Yet.” (if you haven’t read it yet, basically its the epic tale of one woman’s mental breakdown over an email asking if she has HAD a baby when she’s NEVER been pregnant).

I received so many phone calls and emails and comments on Facebook either sharing your own personal traumas in this area or just letting me know that you nearly peed your pants reading it (and that’s a quote from a voicemail today)! The support was much appreciated and I’m glad there are some people out there who get my weird sense of humor.

But I have some news for you (and NO, before you even freaking go there, I am STILL not pregnant). After all these conversations with both men and women, I came up with a strategy  on how to deal with the mistaken pregnancy question better next time.

And by better, I mean a step up from looking like this:

Picture 168 

 

Or…

 

Picture 169

So get ready. After sifting through some pretty mean comebacks, I came up with the ONE thing you can say that make the situation better. Sure, it may make you a slightly terrible human being. But hey, it’s a step up from sitting in your closet wondering if your wardrobe has resembled maternity clothes for the past 5 years.

Here it goes…so someone just asked you, “When are you due?/Can I feel it kick?/Did you have your baby yet?”

 

Your Response: Yes, I did! Sign me up for the meal train please.

I mean… if you have to suffer through the pain of the mistaken pregnancy, you might as well get something out of it. Free meals brought to your door? Yes please! And when people ask, just say they baby is sleeping.  Sure, you may have to carry around a sack of potatoes around at church for awhile or at the very least, a squirming adorable puppy wrapped in a swaddling blanket that covers its face. But hey, won’t it be worth it for the free lasagna? Nothing nurses wounds like this quite like a free meal– especially if it’s lasagna. Then again, taking advantage of nice people may also be evil… but you can stuff back your moral conscience between bites of Italian awesomeness.

Or you can just do what I did, say they’re mistaken and then listen to a weather analogy that you’re pretty sure is referring to your womb.

Then again, why don’t we all just vow to stop asking people if they’re pregnant? After all, if someone’s pregnant, they’re going to tell you eventually. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut until they let you know or there is a baby magically appearing in their arms  everywhere they go after the disappearance of a huge basketball-sized lump.

Then again, I guess you could still get unlucky with that comment in the above scenario. What if your friend is just babysitting after being super successful with Jenny Craig?

Lose-lose situation people. But at least in my case, unless you’re willing to buy me a dishwasher, the baby question is off the table.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Next Time You’re Mistaken as Pregnant

    • Hahaha no. It’d have to come with a house that has room for it. The portable one that came with our apartment didn’t fit so we had to get rid of it. But thanks for the offer 🙂

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