As a newlywed, we get asked the baby question pretty often– especially if we forget not to start sentences with “Guess what!” But this past month, if I had a dollar for every time someone said I’d be a good mother, I’d be rich enough to actually afford having a baby.

So to put inquiring minds at ease, I will give you a simple answer to this “simple” question on when we’ll have children. It doesn’t involve numbers or dates or even a bucket list of life goals. It’s just simple.

First, I want a dishwasher.

Yes, a dishwasher. I know in one of my first ever blog posts, I mentioned how we got rid of the ugly, portable dishwasher that took up 3/4 of our kitchen space and had to be hooked up to a hose outside. I have no regrets on that decision (most days). It just wasn’t worth the eye sore and with two people, one would think we could handle a couple of dishes in the sink. We’re probably not as successful at this as we would like, but alas, who’s perfect?

But once a baby comes into the picture, I better have a dishwasher (and maybe a better dryer that doesn’t take three cycles to properly dry our clothes, but I won’t be too picky). The idea of hand washing dishes with junior crying in a pack-n-play makes me CRINGE…plus all those baby bottles. It’s a nightmare.

So before you are tempted to ask us about when we’re having children, I challenge you to think about whether or not we have a dishwasher first. If the answer is “no,” it’s probably best NOT to ask.

But if by some unplanned circumstance we do find ourselves in a situation where we have 9 months to find said dishwasher before my head and uterus explodes, we will be taking donations. That’s right. You’ll get an invite to a baby shower with a link to where we’re registered at and the online item listed WILL ONLY BE a dishwasher.

You’ve been warned.

(P.S. This post does not mean we’re pregnant. Obviously. We still don’t have room for a dishwasher)