Sometimes Stressed, Sometimes Sad, but Not Fat

Very rarely am I left without words to share in cyber land, but this past month, I found myself not even wanting to be tempted to blog. I needed to regroup– to focus– and to wait.

But now with December beginning, I am able to finally breathe again and start on my determined path to being the best me I can be to others and to myself.

November started off fun enough despite how stressed I had been recently. It was the beginning of NaNoWriMo (which many of you know I LOVE) and because I’m a freak, I hammered out my 50,000 words in a week, even instagramming my mug of the day (I have a TON of mugs).

But as soon as that week came to a close, a friend became deathly ill in the hospital and while my husband and I brought forth lots of prayers and put together a little care package for them, I couldn’t shake how unbelievably distraught I was over the whole ordeal. (Praise the Lord he is healed now and back home!!!)

And there was Thanksgiving planning…which seems to be never easy for us for some reason. As we were trying to figure out if my father-in-law would be coming here or if we were going there, I began having this terrible feeling about my grandpa. It was only further increased when at my Bible Study we watched a video on legacies which involved a dramatization of a true story where this nice old guy dies. My grandpa’s health had been up and down all year and I was really itching to see him.

So we made arrangements to go visit my grandparents and my parents in Florida instead. But when I was coming back from another work trip covering Mongolian toddlers who had heart surgery through my organization, Samaritan’s Purse, I got a call about how my grandpa’s health was taking a downward turn. As my grandmother put it, he was on “borrowed time.” As some family members put it, 7-30 days.

I immediately made arrangements to go home even earlier and I’m so glad I did. The week with my grandfather is something I will remember forever. Sure, there were many many tears. It was especially hard to watch as other family members came and went, each taking their turns to say their goodbyes. But I’m glad I got to take some photos with my family to remember the experience…my family is notoriously terrible at forgetting to take photos.

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My grandfather is the best man I’ve ever met, leaving behind an incredible legacy of love, joy and service to all he came in contact with. Up until last year, he was cooking lunch for like a 100-200 men once a week or something. He’s absolutely incredible. But when I left, I didn’t say goodbye. I told him I’d see him again soon instead.

But it’s been hard. Traveling. Sadness. Stress. They aren’t recipes for a healthy lifestyle, are they? And when you try to go on and on about how there’s no excuses, then waffling a bit means failure right? At least, it can definitely feel that way. At one point, I felt like I had become a gigantic beach ball.

But one thing I learned about myself this week is that really, it can be all in my head.

Maybe it’s like that way for you too. Maybe you have a few bad days or a bad month or two like me or a terrible situation has just rocked your world. Maybe it throws you off from your exercise and healthy routine high that helps you stay motivated. Maybe it creeps into your head and makes you think you’re a failure and convince you that somehow you’ve gained all your weight back.

But it’s not the case. You’re allowed to feel feelings and you need to deal with your emotions. You’re allowed to take a break. You just need to healthily deal with it and in the back of your mind, slowly put the pieces together with your re-entry back into your awesome lifestyle that you’ve possibly fallen away from. It can be baby steps again. Just remember how good you felt when you were on track before all the bad stuff happened.

I came back from this month of no gym, and some sadness plus an Italian Thanksgiving (with like nine different kinds of cheese featured) and I was convinced I probably gained at least 10 pounds.

How many did I gain? Like one or two. Is that the end of the world? No.

In fact, after getting my act together the past couple of days, it’s already fallen off. Why? Because I didn’t get discouraged. And neither should you.

No one is perfect 100 percent of the time. And we’re our hardest critics. Show yourself some love.

Know what I did to try to prepare myself for my grandfather visit/ to help me get back into a better mood? I got a hair cut to bring on some change. And you know what? It really did help give me a little boost.

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Now that I’m back home to normal land and playing catch up, I feel like I’m slowly becoming me again and I’m hopping back on the wagon. This week I’m focusing on healthy food choices. And next week, I’ll be back at the gym.

It’s all about baby steps and it’s all about trying. It’s never game over for people like us working toward living a healthy lifestyle so never feel like giving up just because you’re in a funk. After all, bad times come and go. But your determination? Your sense of self? That’s here to stay and gets stronger each passing day.

And remember! It’s a lifestyle. Meaning: You’re in this for LIFE.

How do you start toward getting out of a funk?

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