Did you know that there’s a way to NOT nag your husband?
First, I have to just say how much I hate the word “nagging.” I feel like it’s so unfair. If a child is about to step in front of a moving truck, or if a coworker is about to miss a meeting, or your dog starts attacking your cat, if you say something to them– no one accuses you of being nagging. In fact, you’re just being helpfully loud.
I am very good at this. I am Italian. ‘Nuff said.
But no. If you’re married and if you’re a woman, then if you say something to correct, inform, rebuke, remind or instruct your husband— you are a NAG.
Which rhymes with HAG and therefore just makes you ugly. Totally unfair. (Don’t question my logic. You know it’s true).
Sure, nag can be an unfair word. But there comes a time where your gentle reminders and such turn into something more like, “HOLY FRIJOLES, BATMAN! Don’t do this. You did that? What the heck? You’re so….”
Insert whatever statement there. And for the record in case you’re confused, I don’t call my husband Batman. But if I did, he’d know I was mad because I’m a Superman fan all the way. Just saying.
I guess I always thought it was better to share your feelings with your spouse rather than to keep them bottled up. Just because I share at an octave higher than a normal earth inhabitant, that doesn’t make me a bad wife, does it? That doesn’t make me a nag, right?
And I guess I always equated silence with passive aggressiveness. I am not passive aggressive. I do not like passive aggressive people. Actually, passive aggressive people only make me extra aggressive.
But tonight in Bible study, I learned that being silent doesn’t have to be passive aggressive. It doesn’t have to be avoiding the issue. Instead, it can just be grace.
Our leader was describing a situation VERY similar to practically every morning of my life with the Hubs and she even mentioned sharing seriously identical feelings and thoughts to what I felt. But apparently, instead of saying her thoughts or nagging, she took a breath and decided to give her husband grace. She decided not to say anything and just not ruin the time they had together nagging him about whatever it was he did that upset or annoyed her.
I thought I misunderstood her. Like an idiot, I even asked.
“So wait,” I said. “You mean you didn’t say anything to him?”
“Nothing at all?”
Her point was, some things you are never going to be able to change about your husbands. And while your husband could be in the wrong, the whole point about grace is forgiveness and love without deserving it or even sometimes asking for it. And yes, if it’s a serious issue, you can bring it up LATER when you’re not angry…you know…when you’re not letting your emotions bubble over you in a hot blaze of lava as you sing snarky songs about how you’re going to end up being a wife featured on the TV show SNAPPED someday.
Not that I do that. Totally don’t. I promise[ish].
And, if you’re really doing grace God’s way, then don’t we trust God to work in our husbands for us?
I guess I never really thought about it before.
But I thought about the whole just “being silent” thing. How many times have I just escalated a situation by being upset and then
nagging “loudly sharing” how I felt in a way that somehow ends up ruining the entire car ride?
I promise. It really isn’t as often as it sounds for us. But when it does happen, its not pleasant for anyone involved.
Sure, maybe he did do something wrong or totally annoying, but I don’t have to make things worse.
Again. Mind. Blown.
I feel so silly about this revelation. But I’m glad I had it. Maybe I will try this breathing/silence thing and try my best to not react when my reaction will not better the situation no matter what. Maybe silence can really be the answer to the nagging problem so many wives face.
My only fear is that my husband will instead interpret the silence as a sign that I’m silently plotting his death.
Oh…but I am. I’m just gonna kill that adorable booger with kindness. And grace.
Thank you so much for your thoughts on this. This was a totally new perspective to think about silence as grace for my husband. I think I’ll be a lot more peaceful because of this.