Playing chicken with God

It’s so easy to say things. I know I flap my yap a lot of times without thinking, but sometimes we may think we mean what we say when really, we’re just half-fasting it.

Like… “I’m totally going to do that thing I promised.” Eh. Stuff happens. Easier said than done. Millions of people say “I do,” but that doesn’t mean they won’t get divorced. And it’s easier to say you’re a Christian and that you trust God with everything completely than to actually trust blindly with a faith that makes you look ridiculous to onlookers.

Because  I’m not sure if you knew this…but the definition of faith does include the footnote that there’s more than just a risk of looking stupid. There’s almost a guarantee that to someone out there–if not to everyone– you WILL look stupid.

You can say anything you want. But it doesn’t make it true. You actually have to work hard at being 100% everything you claim to be. Tongues are loose. Human nature is looser.

You see, I’ve been struggling with the whole “trust God with the big picture” thing. Of course I’ve always believed he had a plan for me. Romans 8:28 has been my life’s mantra since age 12. However, God has also given me the “gift” of having a type A personality with big dreams, big plans, and the ability to have a back up plan for every letter of the alphabet.

But for the first time ever, the whole trust thing was REALLY tested. And by “first time ever,” I mean a bazillion and one times over and over again this year in ways that I’m pretty sure have set my blood pressure at dangerously high levels.

If you read the article published on The Newfangled Housewife blog I was featured on, you know about my big move and leaving my job to go support Hubs to finish his degree. He had withdrawn during his last semester to take care of his dying mother and spent months by her side. When his one request was to finish his degree the way he had started rather than continuing with our plan to move to Florida since I had a job there, I couldn’t say no. He deserves this.

So…I began planning.

I had a great number of back-up plans (some better than others) and we had a really solid back-up back-up plan that I referred to as “Plan Z” because it really was our last resort. As our wedding approached, I started to sweat some things. Each plan started falling apart. Doors were closing. And it was just like, “Dang. Cut me a break God.” But hey…at least we had Plan Z.

Throughout this whole time, I kept setting MY timeline for things. I told Hubs I didn’t want to put my two weeks in until I had signed the lease. Turns out, the landlord wanted me to sign in person, which couldn’t happen until AFTER I moved there and AFTER I quit my job. Fine. Have it your way.

So I set my two weeks so I’d have just the right amount of time to pack up my stuff for when Hubs would pick me up and my stuff and move me to our new house in Boone. Things changed (the theme for the year. I feel like that awkward Brady Bunch song). Turns out Hubs couldn’t pick me up like we had discussed. Instead he wanted me to ship my stuff in a Ubox. Fine. Whatever. I can do that. ONLY, I had to have it done BEFORE I quit my job in order to have it shipped in time.

Really? I mean really. Fine. Whatever. So I packed the entire weekend and after work until REALLY late at night for a good 4 days straight.

Then Hubs had his own timeline about something AND that fell through too!  It was part of our “Plan Z” and on the importance scale was SUPER high. We needed something to happen before we sent the Ubox. However, it didn’t happen. Then we  (read: mainly me) worried it wouldn’t happen at all.

I started panicking. Horrible horrible panicking. Then I was angry.  We didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t postpone the Ubox or it wouldn’t get to Boone in time so in the midst of my panicky anger, I told Hubs I would just put it on the credit card and hope for the best. And by hope for the best, I mean— that money better come through so I can pay for it on my credit card.

It’s been a rough couple of sleepless nights.

So then today was my last day of work. I was quitting my job to make myself voluntarily unemployed– which is terrifying. In my humanly gut, I felt like it was the most irresponsible thing I had ever done. However, I knew it was what I needed to do and what God wanted me to do. Trust me, Hubs and I went back and forth about our decision a lot. It’s been super stressful.

Well, the moment my last day at work ended, I called Hubs and what he said next was almost laughable. It turns out what we were waiting for came in THAT day.

Really? Of COURSE the one thing we wanted to happen before I quit my job would happen the moment I quit my job. I guess it really is true. God will let you bend. But he won’t let you break.

So while the future is still a little uncertain, at least we know one thing is certain– God has got our backs even when we feel so lost and insecure about what’s going on in our lives at the moment.  I can breathe a little easier tonight as I prepare for my big move on Saturday. And I’ll laugh a little too because I think God’s trying to teach me a huge lesson on faith here. Yup, I’m getting the message.

Here’s to rolling with the punches.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Playing chicken with God

  1. Fantastic Nikki! I’ve been struggling with my own game of chicken recently and this was a wonderful reminder of how God has our back and wants us to trust him and step out in faith.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s