We’ve all been there. That funk. That slump. That nagging question of, “Why are my dishes STILL dirty and why hasn’t that mystery goo eaten through everything yet?”
If it’s one thing I learned throughout my college experience and especially now as a married career lady, you need to take care of you and recharge your mojo.
It’s so easy to want to take care of everyone else or do what you think needs to be done first. But if you neglect the very essence of you, how can you expect to actually be you? If I had a dollar for how many times my friends (or even me) said, “Man, I just haven’t been myself lately,” I could go on another honeymoon!
If you haven’t been yourself lately, then treat yourself like the real you wants and deserves to be treated.
I know that sounds really weird and possibly crazy, but simply pressing forward and pushing through won’t make you happy or even sane. That just makes you a shell of a human being. Sure, you get brownie points for not giving up. But there is something to be said about pausing, taking a breath, and reassessing what truly needs to be done.
I had a reality check moment this weekend with Hubs that caused both of us to reassess priorities. As a result, we had a FANTASTIC date day that even surpassed my expectations. We decided to drive the opposite direction of town to investigate some local Mom and Pop diners only to discover a country cooking kitchen that seriously tasted like love on a plate (and love in our wallet). We then cuddled on the coach to catch up on one of our joint favoriteshows and then went to see a play at the university together (which was HILARIOUS). It really was good, quality time with Hubs that I had been craving. And then on Sunday, we carpooled with a couple to church and went out to lunch with them. When we got home, Hubs had to rush out the door to go to work, and I was left to my own devices.
Well, I was so super recharged, I ended up going crazy in the best possible way. I cleaned my entire kitchen (you have no idea how many dishes we’ve had piled up. NO IDEA! Like they were alive at one point!), I went grocery shopping, I did four loads of laundry, baked homemade bread (which was FANTASTIC), exercised (and achieved an important weight loss milestone), and enjoyed a cup of tea. All in ONE afternoon.
I was turbo wife— and all because I recharged my batteries. Hubs came home and literally freaked out over the amount of stuff I had accomplished. I am not lying when I say he dropped to the floor and literally started kissing my feet. It was actually a little weird and semi-gross, but at least he shows his sincere appreciation, right?
But wait! There is a moral to this story. There are two important things to consider here:
1) Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
2) What is your love language?
Hubs and I had to do a test on introvert and extrovertedness when we worked together in college. He’s the introvert and I’m the extrovert (as if you didn’t already know). Well, part of being one of the other is more than just how you act. It’s also how you get your energy. An introvert gets their energy from being alone and is drained by spending time with people. An extrovert is drained by being alone and gets their energy from being around other people. So when I find myself completely alone without a date night in sight, I tend to get a bit fussy apparently. Likewise, if Hubs doesn’t get his quiet time to just be by himself, he gets really exhausted and run down.
But wait! There’s more!
Have you ever heard of the Five Love Languages? It’s great book and amazing concept (and while it’s by a Christian author, you definitely don’t need to be a Christian to benefit from this amazing concept because it’s really eye opening and totally true). It’s about how you give love and how you receive love. The five ways are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch. People need to receive love and express love in different ways. And you can have any combination of the above list. If someone’s love language is physical touch and you only buy them gifts and just have them sent to them, they aren’t going to really feel as loved. And when people don’t feel loved, they don’t function at their optimum level.
For me, my love language is apparently quality time (kinda goes hand in hand with being an extrovert I guess). I need Hubs to spend time with me to truly know that he loves me (it took me FOREVER to realize that). And nothing hurts worse than cancelled plans. It wasn’t until recently we both realized that when he cancels plans or says certain things that makes me feel like he doesn’t care about our plans, my love meter just plummets. Sure, things happen and plans get cancelled, but it’s important to always make sure you spend time with the one you love. Rescheduling is very important.
So as you can see, having a weekend where I got quality time with my husband and even got to go on a double date with another married couple made for a mondo-combo of recharging myself. And as a result, hurricane Nikki didn’t perpetuate the destruction of our home, but rather, cleaned it til it sparkled (well….almost…).
In fact, I was so recharged this morning, I even made dinner for tonight in my crock pot (recipe to come!).
It’s incredibly important for you to understand how you operate in order to live at peace with the one you love. After all, if you don’t know what makes you tick (or even explode), then how can you expect anyone else to?
Pause, take a breath and focus on you for a bit. There’s no harm in taking care of you. In fact, you’ll probably be able to take care of others a whole lot better if you’re 100% taken care of yourself.
How do you recharge your batteries?
Great post! My husband and I are also the introvert/extrovert mix. That caused lots of conflict early in our marriage as I pushed him for more time when he was stressed, which just made him pull away. Now, we know that when he’s needing his “alone” time to recharge, the best thing to do is give me even just 15 min of undivided attention. That way I feel secure when he climbs into his cave for the next few hours!
And–5 love languages book is AMAZING. Gifts is mine and my husband used to get upset that I always wanted him to buy me “stuff”. Then he realized it was much more than that–and that the small gifts were a physical reminder of how much he loved me. As a result, our marriage is much better off.
Ideally, he’d give me a beautiful gift during our 15 min bonding to entertain myself with while he’s in the cave! haha
I LOVE the 5-love languages book. My dad bought it for me in college and I thought he was crazy. When Jake and I started long-distance all those months ago I re-read it. I am SO a words of affirmation person.